In 2019, I want a rounder ass and a tighter belly and smoother skin. I want to travel to every single country in the world and ride on the Orient Express. I want to write a best-selling book and an award-winning script. I want to move like Beyonce. And I want the kind of romantic love that’s really only portrayed in literature with men named something like Darcy or Vronsky or Elio or in films starring Molly Ringwald and Keira Knightley and Juliette Binoche.
But if I’ve learned anything over the past 2 years, in pursuit of some of the above goals, away from home, feeling isolated and lonely with only my nefarious thoughts late at night for company, it’s that I won’t achieve any of this until I’m happy with me. Who, what, where I am. Acknowledging my mistakes and my triumphs, getting to know me, accepting that I have flaws (and knowing that everybody else does too), figuring out how I can improve, and loving all (most) of me.
No more pressure around my neck and heart because I’m maybe not where I think I should be by now. No more ugly filters over my eyes when I look in the mirror. No more, that’s it, I’m done. During those years away, I shattered from the weight of my harshest critic – me. But I think, I know, you have to break to become whole again. I am grateful for those dark times. Because now I am appreciative of the light within and around me.
So, here I am, 2019, alive again, looking forward, ready to pursue my dreams with more clarity of mind, and excessively happy to be back in a place that will always be home.
This coming year, above all your other goals, I hope you are kind to yourself, as you live this one wild and precious life and work towards those beautiful dreams of yours.
And also, while you’re here…
I hope you/I change a little. Maybe it’s the way you wear your hair or what you eat for breakfast. Or maybe it’s an opinion, a long-held belief, a career.
I hope you/I uncover another layer of self. And take the time to understand your thoughts and actions and who you really are and the kind of person you want to be.
I hope you’re/I’m alone for awhile. In your home, at a restaurant, on holiday. That’s when the magic happens. Even when it hurts.
I hope you/I try new things, listen to what others have to say, recognize that you’re not always right.
I hope you/I see life through another person’s eyes. And maybe change annoyance, frustration, or impatience to compassion. Say nice things to her/him.
I hope you/I put down your phone and look at the world.
Walk barefoot on wet grass. Howl at a full moon. Stand still and close your eyes in a crowded place.
Love. Breathe. Laugh. Eat that piece of dark chocolate or whatever it is that makes your eyes roll into your head.
Fall in love with you. And all your stunning uniqueness.
I’m off to stretch. Because, Beyonce.
Photo: The Portrait Sessions, Kristine Cofsky <
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